As I stood there gazing at the tranquil water which seemed to stretch endlessly, I thought about my mother. The Parkinson’s was advancing and the dementia was setting in. It’s tough seeing her so frail and hunched over in the wheelchair, wearing a bib because of the drooling. It’s hard to reconcile this woman with the one who used to be so full of life, so vibrant and independent. That woman seemed so far away, back in time and in the recesses of my mind.
There are times when I wish she were as she used to be so that she could enjoy being a grandmother. There are times when I wish she could do things and go places with her grand-daughter. There are times when I wish that I’d met my husband earlier–when my mother was in her prime.
I wish I had taken her to see the Nutcracker Suite years ago when she wanted to go. That’s why when you have the opportunity to do something for someone, you do it. Don’t put it off.
I visit her often and I know she looks forward to seeing me. We sit in her room, enjoying each other’s company. She doesn’t say much. I reminisce and read to her. It breaks my heart to see her this way but I take comfort in the fact that she has her faith to sustain her and a loving family to keep her. This morning I called her and she sounded upbeat. I asked her how she was doing and she said, “I’m taking one day at a time.” Then, she added, “I love you, Sarah.”
I got all choked up so it took a moment for me to reply, “I love you too, Mom.” She has good days and bad, but through it all, she remains positive. That’s my Mom–my champion.
The more I expect, the more unhappy I am going to be. The more I accept, the more serene I am – Michael J. Fox